BradGroux.com - Blogger, Geek, Know It All, Smartass.

Yesterday I graced the interwebs with my top 10 movies of 2009. Well put the kids to sleep because it is about to get really freaking ugly with my 10 worst movies of the year. Believe it or not making a ten worst list seems to be even tougher because there are far too many movies that can make the list. As I’m sure you already know, most movies are complete crap to begin with.

NOTE: I’m sticking with major release pictures here, if I included made for DVD flicks we’d be here all day. I’m also not mentioning Twilight: New Moon, because that goes without saying.

10. Knowing
I’m not a Nicolas Cage fan, but he does manage to sneak in some pretty decent movies every now and then. For instance, this year’s “Bad Lieutenant” was pretty good. Let’s be honest though, most of his movies are freaking horrible, and Knowing is no different. The sad thing is the first 80% of this movie wasn’t bad, it was actually quite intriguing; however that all changes in the last 30 minutes or so when it gets ridiculous. I really wanted to like the movie because the initial premise was promising. Thanks a lot Bin Laden.

09. Sorority Row
A sorority prank goes wrong and an innocent girl is murdered. From there it takes an “I Know What You Did Last Summer” turn when a mysterious killer starts taking out all of the accomplices. The sad part here is there isn’t a young Jennifer Love Hewitt to stare at for 90 minutes.

08. Observe and Report
I hope for Seth Rogen’s sake that he was paid a handsome reward for making this cheesy and sadistic film. It is the type of movie that can be a career killer, it’s that bad. If he didn’t get paid tens of millions for this he should fire his agent. All kidding aside, you know it is a bad movie when it isn’t even the best movie about a mall cop this year.

07. All About Steve
Leave it to the very likeable Sandra Bullock to be in one of the best films of the year (“The Blind Side”) and one of the worst. She could win a Golden Globe, an Oscar and a Razzie all in the same year. Conversely, Bradley Cooper was also part of this movie while taking place in one of the best comedies of the decade (“The Hangover”). I guess we’ll give them both a slide for making this horrible flick.

06. Brüno
I still can’t fathom how the comic genius behind “Borat” can be behind this awful attempt at humor. The character of Borat was likable because his shtick was he just didn’t know any better, he was from Kazakhstan after all! Bruno is just an ass and I wanted to do nothing more than punch the dude in the face throughout the entire movie… wait, I didn’t even make it through the entire movie.

05. The Final Destination
This time in 3D! So you can see horrible acting and a ridiculous, overplayed plot in more clarity. Sounds like a real winner. Seriously though, shame on anyone who paid to see this one at the theater. I felt dirty, like I had been touch inappropriately after seeing it.

04. I Love You Beth Cooper
Am I the only man on the face of the planet that finds Hayden Panettiere unappealing? For one, she can’t act and secondly, she looks like a 14 year old. Steer clear of this all too predictable pretty girl falls for nerd snooze-fest.

03. Gamer
A futuristic movie based upon video game playing celebrities controlling death row inmates first person shooter style. The movie is as ridiculous as it sounds. The really bad part is talented actors like Gerard Butler and Michael C. Hall were a part of it.

02. Fighting
Take every horrible teen competition movie ever created, now add violence to it. BOOM! You have “Fighting,” where “The Karate Kid” meets “Bring it On.” We all know that there is only one movie about fighting worth seeing, and it is the Chuck Palahniuk masterpiece “Fight Club.” Kick this movie to curb.

01. Miss March
This is the type of movie that makes me wish I did drugs, but not in a good way. I sat through this entire film, and if I was a pothead at least I could say I was stoned when I did it. Easily the worst movie of the year.

It saddens me to say that I actually sat through all of these movies, and what is even more pathetic is there are 15 other movies I can instantly substitute on the list and it makes sense. I’m looking at you “Surrogates,” “Year One,” “The Goods” and “Watchmen!” The only solace I can find is in the fact that I didn’t pay to see any of them at the theater. It also makes me feel like a moron for not becoming a fictional writer; people get paid millions of dollars to make this ridiculous crap. I’m in the wrong business.